Making it Count

30th November 2015

Do you ever just take a moment out and think what is it all about? Ever just stop and look around and wonder how the heck you ended up here? Do you ever look back? Look forward? Or simply just question why and how?

I do. And I’d say on a fairly regular basis too. Because life is pretty crazy. And mine has definitely not been the straightforward or simple one I had in mind. 

My name is Chi! It’s short for Chiara but I only ever get called that when I’m in trouble or there’s a serious matter at hand. I love words and I love to write. I dabble in poetry and over the past few years I have started telling parts of my story through filming and editing. Sometimes this world can be suffocating and in those moments I find myself alone with my journal or camera and just write and film, reflect. When your head is so full it can be hard to communicate those feelings and so difficult to make sense of the confusion. It can be hard to find the right person to talk to or even get the right words out. I have journals full, thousands of words, dating back years and years. It has showed me light in some of my darkest times and been a comfort when there was nothing else close. But now I have decided that I’m ready to start making it count. I’m ready to re-journey my past and the very many lessons I have learnt along the way, I’m ready to keep moving forwards and enter new terrain. 

Today I woke up and decided that despite the pain and the heartaches, the years of struggle, the fight and the very long and challenging journey it has been so far, I want to start making it count. For what? I’m not sure. How? No idea! Where will this take me? No clue. But just like so often before, you take a breath, a step forward and you cross into the unknown. 

For so long I was so ashamed of my past. My guilt kept me silent and my shame chained me up. But every day I become stronger and every moment I move up to places I’ve never experienced before. And I’m so ready to start becoming proud of all the scars in my life. Each one holds a lifetime’s worth of lessons and I hope through my honesty and in just being real I can somehow, somewhere, make a difference to someone else and their life.

Welcome to my blog, my very personal story and my very own journey. Welcome to the good and the great and at times even incredible but also into the hard and the nitty gritty, the painful and the bad, the challenging and the tough. I hope you’ll step into this new world with me where I don’t have the answers or the right direction, but I’m ready to start making life count. Ready to make the lessons learnt worth it. I’m excited about this new adventure and I’m pumped to see where it may go.