28th January 2016
In a world where fat or anything above a size 6 is unacceptable, mocked and made fun of, I look around and wonder how we let it get to this. In the UK alone it is estimated that more than 1.6 million people are affected by an eating disorder.
Anorexia Nervosa – with the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder it has become the biggest killer of any them all.
I walk into a shop and I’m greeted by countless size 0 supermodels staring back at me as every front page of every magazine seems to follow suit. I turn on the tv and every other advert is telling me how I can best lose a stone in a week. Bookstores are filled with self help weight loss books and state of the art latest low carb diet programmes. The internet a source of information overload as every article seems to beat the last, telling me I can now become perfect in just 8 minutes.
This is the story of my little sister who at just 11 years old almost became one more statistic. Almost ended up becoming one more precious young life to find her early grave.
Born identical twins and a 13 year age gap between us, my little sisters were my pride and joy from the second they entered my world. Delivered by an emergency c-section 2 and a half months early they were miracle babies to survive against the odds and I am grateful every single day I get to have them in my life.
But the last few years have been pretty tough.
It was subtle. So much of it so insignificant. I have a history with eating disorders but what I was sensing and had started picking up seemed trivial to everyone else around me. She just wanted to be healthy. Just wanted to be fitter, better at sport. The sugar was cut out, the snacks in between meals no longer existed. Every bit of food which was consumed required double the exercise routine to make up for it.
It didn’t matter how often we took her to the doctors, or how alarmed we were at her weight loss, we were told she was fine time and time again. Overreacting, she was naturally skinny as it was.
Breakfast was no longer important. One meal a day was now enough. The more time that passed, the bigger the battle became.
November 2013. A time I will never forget. Despite being rejected by doctor’s time after time, mum knew something wasn’t right and showed me how powerful a mother’s instinct can be. She rushed Rosanna into A&E and without question saved her life.
She should have died. Her weight was so low even the doctor’s couldn’t believe she was still walking, breathing and talking. They couldn’t believe how her body was still functioning in any way.
That day marked the start of one of the hardest journeys we have had to walk out as a family. It has impacted all of us in so many ways. It’s been hard, it’s been exhausting, it’s been draining and debilitating and at times it’s been unbearable. I have learnt how painful it can be to love someone no matter what.
But it has taught me so much about my own journey too. It has drawn me closer to my family than ever before. It has helped me find hope in the times of utter hopelessness, shown me how to love when she was unloveable, given me patience when frustration was all I could see.
And most of all it has given my little sister a fight in her she has never possessed before. At times it was all too much for her, the battle too big and she would crumble. During those times I have never prayed harder or bigger for God to pick her up once more and keep her going. For her body to find just that tiny bit of strength from somewhere to be able to fight on just that little bit longer. And she would…
Almost 3 years on and we are still on the road to recovery. But the light is starting to pierce through like it has never done before. As tough as it still is at times she is so close to breaking free forever, so Rosanna this is for you, because I know you have it in you. I know the strength that lies inside of you. I have seen it come out time after time over these past years.
You have taught me so much about life. You have shown me how you keep fighting when everything inside of you says there’s no fight left. You’re starting to come out the other side of this and you still have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let this illness steal one more day.
And to everyone else who may be fighting this same battle. Anorexia is horrendous and as far as mental health disorders go – it is one of the worst. It steals your joy, your personality, your health, your friends and your life. It robs you of so much more than just your weight. And through my own experiences and through my little sister I have seen how incredibly tough it is to beat it.
BUT… It’s possible. Through therapy, support and MASSIVE personal choices I’m starting to see the old Rosanna re surface. I’m beginning to see her spark return. And once more laughter and fun has began to outnumber the tantrums, the screaming and the fighting. It’s a battle that at times seems impossible but by one choice at a time I now know it’s 100% possible.
Despite the fact that we face so many unrealistic pressures every single day – I have realised that it is never too late. I have seen my own life transform when I thought it was too late and I have seen Rosanna become her own walking miracle when we all thought it was too late.
In a world where we are surrounded by endless false fabrications of what perfection and beauty has become do we choose to succumb and accept what is so far from acceptable? Or do we choose to take a stand and change the direction of where the future is heading…
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