CHOOSE

As my head hits the pillow 

I pull the blankets tight

I realize for a moment 

This was the only darkness I never had to fight

There’s a stillness that once was cherished

A stillness only night could bring

But when silence turns into chaos 

You start running from that very thing

Everything changes in a moment

Because life is full of twists and turns

Some corners are met with anticipation

Others just hit deep and it burns

Sometimes stuff can happen

A moment you’d never expect

And everything you thought you stood on

Starts crumbling and you feel completely wrecked

Your foundation begins to shake 

And you question if it was ever even there 

Because the moment confusion crept in

What once felt steady lies in pieces everywhere

Questions turn into doubts 

And doubts mutate into unbelief

And before you know it you’ve walked away

Thinking you might find some relief

But the new found freedom 

It doesn’t last

All that’s really happened

Is too much time has passed

And during all that time

You’ve let emptiness take a hold

You worked so hard to be free

Just to continue being controlled

It pulls you down, 

It binds you tight

Your body’s continuously battling

Your mind wavers between fight or flight

Exhaustion hit a long time ago

Desperation became your new best friend

In a war between wanting change

But unsure of how it’ll ever end

You reach slowly 

Take a step to what you thought you once knew

Only to realize it feels different, unfamiliar

Trust was broken and the distance grew

Fear stops you in your tracks

Shouts loud to halt right there 

He didn’t help you in the past

This will never get you anywhere

And yet the struggle continuous

You don’t wanna be on either side

But there is no middle ground 

And so everyone has to decide

A beautiful friend,

She very suddenly died 

During our final goodbye

She looked me in the eyes and said “He was always by your side”

“He never ignored your prayers

Never left you alone or didn’t care

During those toughest moments”

She hugged me once more and whispered: “He was always right there.”

I never shared my struggles with her

Yet somehow she knew what to say

Those were the last words she spoke to me

They hit deep, despite trying to push them away

We all find ourselves with choices

We hit crossroads throughout our years

Do I trust in what deep down I know is true?

Or do I stay bound in my doubts and my fears?

Life is really really hard

And sometimes it pushes you beyond what you can bare

You can lose your grip, become unbalanced

Fall victim into the valley of despair

But what I know is that one side is empty

And the other contains a joy

A deep purpose, love and significance

That the enemy will relentlessly try to destroy

And so today as I make another choice

I encourage you to make one too

Don’t give up when it feels desperate

He sees you and knows you and will carry you through

You might not feel it

Or know the answers on when or how

But know that He has a plan

And that He loves you right now 

We all have to pick a side 

There is no neutral land

So today I turn my back on darkness

And choose to hold His hand.