Tag: new

Just a Moment

.Reading time 11 minutes.

My whole life I’ve learned that the whole of life can change in an instant. All it takes is a second. It’s one decision. One poor choice. One perfect moment. It’s meeting someone unexpected. Bumping into a human who will change the course of the rest of your life. It’s trusting a man who you should never have said hello to. Taking a walk with a stranger. Electing to walk home alone sober rather than wait for your drunken friends. Saying yes to going for a coffee with someone you hardly know. It’s getting sick. It’s deciding to persevere and keep going despite the odds. Life… it’s filled with so many “moments” and it’s steered us to where we are in this very moment. 

My 7-week old baby lies against my chest. Fast asleep. He breathes deep, occasionally twitching, smiling, grunting and then peace and quiet returns. His rhythmic breathing pushing down against me feels so calming. They say skin to skin regulates a baby, but honestly I think it regulates me just as much. I feel utterly exhausted. Seven weeks of barely any sleep. Husband working non-stop, including weekends as he finishes work-ups for deployment. They say parenting can be lonely, well this week I’ve really felt that for the first time. But despite the loneliness and the sleep deprivation and the deep urge for some of my old life to return… I wouldn’t change any of it. This “moment”, this moment right here has been one I have prayed for and hoped for and longed for – more than anything else in my entire life. The moment Asher was born my heart split open in a way I NEVER knew was possible. Yes, people have always told me about this love that is unexplainable. But let’s be real for a second… unless you actually experience it for yourself, you’re never going to even slightly understand what they’re talking about. And then Asher happened. And suddenly everything I’d ever heard anyone say about this love, this feeling, this moment… just like that, it all made sense. 

I look at his perfect little face. His long eye lashes. The little hairs on his head. His tiny lips. This moment… this boy… this miracle… every other moment in my life had to happen for THIS monumental moment to come to pass. Overwhelming feelings and emotions start to build up as I see snapshots of my entire life flash before me. Me as a young child, my family, my siblings, my parents. I remember happiness and light. Vacations and trips. School, sport, homework, friends. And then I see my 12-year-old self standing in that shower for hours trying to wash off the innocence that man had taken from her. An event that would change everything forever. I see the bright young girl fade away slowly, piece by piece. I see her find alcohol as a comfort until it no longer comforts enough. I see the instant drugs are introduced, the wrong friends are welcomed in and then the eye contact made between her and her trafficker. One moment. It’s all it took. I see decisions that took away the chance to go to the olympics. I see so much pain and torture and hurt that young girl had to walk through, all because she sought validation from a man who would almost completely ruin her. I see instances where she completely gave up but thankfully others stepped in, moments where her life almost ended so many times. I watch hope unfold only to be dashed all over again. Anger, hurt, pain… they fill so many pockets of years of moments, and yet so many periods of joy and success are sprinkled throughout. I see her meet her husband, and smile as one of her greatest miracles unfolds. I watch many more hard years transpire as they start trying for a child, only to be met by unimaginable disappointment month after month, which eventually turns into year after year. I watch her finally find out she’s pregnant, only to experience a horrendous miscarriage just a few months later. I see the tears. I see her begging God to save the child they waited for so long. I see her crumble to her knees when she realizes that miracle won’t survive. I watch her go through surgery to remove the very gift they had prayed for and then I watch the agonizing months that follow as she fights for her life from a hospital bed. 

So many moments. Too many to recall. Too many to write down. And yet each one had to happen for me to end up right here. I look down at his perfect little face… I would re-live all of it in a heartbeat for him. 

As I sit in my rocking chair, Asher remains fast asleep against my chest. I should put him down for a proper nap, but right now I don’t care. Five and a half years of waiting for him, I’m going to soak up every little moment I can. Because that’s all it is. They’re moments. The moments of him being this tiny will be gone before I know it. The moments of feeling isolated and lonely will pass. The sleep deprivation won’t last. These precious and incredibly intimate moments I get to experience with my son during the deep hours of the night, will soon be just a fleeting memory. Just like everything else… it doesn’t last. 

Each moment gets us to where we are today. But we have to remember, they are only moments. I’ve walked through seasons that have felt like I literally lived in hell. And now I feel like there are times where my life couldn’t be better in any way. MOMENTS. They shift and they mold, they’re moving and adjusting constantly. 

A few weeks ago after being discharged from the hospital with Asher, I ended up right back in the hospital a week later. A postpartum infection… but within days my crazy, unknown, undiagnosed autoimmune ‘thing’ started attacking my body again. Everything inside of me wanted to go into straight panic. Last year this thing almost killed me. This year I have a son. I have a baby who is fully dependent on me. When my oxygen started dropping and I lost the ability to walk again… I can’t explain the fear that wanted to take over my entire mind. My heart had exploded open with love in a way I had never experienced before. But with that came an unimaginable protection for this little boy. I couldn’t go through this again. And as I lay in the ICU, staring at my beautiful, helpless, innocent little baby, I made a decision that this was also just going to be a “moment” and it would pass. I knew deep down that my journey to becoming a mom was not ending with Asher being just a few days old.

Life… the whole of life… it’s made up of moments. Every single one of us is walking through something right now. Whether it’s good, bad, great, awful, incredible or impossible. We’ve all experienced a little of all of it. Today I want to encourage you that if it’s hard, if it’s painful, if it seems never-ending… it will end. It will change. Moments can seem like an eternity but in a blink of an eye – it’s gone. It’s over. Finished. 

I never thought there was a whole life waiting for me beyond the prison walls of my past. And though there have continued to be heartaches and seasons of grief, intense hardships and enormous tragedy, I have encountered breathtaking epiphanies in the midst of it all. In the moments of stillness I see the incredible beauty that’s been able to emerge from the chaos and the tears. Moments, that without the impossible, would have never led me to my present right here. So whatever it is… keep going. Keep moving. Keep believing. Because life can change in an instant and you don’t want to miss the moment it happens. 

REBUILD

.Reading time 16 minutes.

It’s 5am. The world is quiet. Outside is dark. It’s by far my favorite time of day. For a long time I wrestled with silence, fought against the stillness. In all honestly, I sometimes still do. But each morning at 5am when I climb out of bed, slide into my slippers, put on a hoodie, make a coffee and sit in my safe little corner… I feel at peace. Some days it might be the only hour I feel it, but it’s something. And for now that’s ok. 

I sit for a moment, watching my coffee brew. It’s funny how habits can feel safe. A routine can keep you grounded. I think back to the last blog I wrote. February of 2021. It’s been 20 months. In some ways it feels like a moment, on the other hand it’s been a lifetime. So much has happened. So much has changed. Why did I stop writing? My coffee is ready and I pull it from the machine, add a splash of oat milk and retreat to the garage where my safe little corner awaits. 

I stopped writing because life got tough. Like really tough. I half smile. Ironic really, even saying that. What part of life isn’t tough? I open my laptop and look at the words I’ve written. It’s hard to be real. It’s even harder to be vulnerable. Does it show weakness? The world we live in says so. Isn’t it so much easier to pretend everything is ok? To put a smile on your face, be positive, criticize those who complain and walk through each day masking the truth of our reality. 

I’ve wanted to write. So many times I’ve opened a blank page and said to myself ‘let’s go’. Yet the minutes would pass and I’d just stare into space. No words would come. A once burning fire sizzled to nothing. Just the remnants of a dark smoke circled the ashes. 

I look back at my laptop. If life is tough then why are we constantly striving for perfection? Why do we so desperately need everyone to believe we’ve got it all under control? When did vulnerability become a weakness and realness make us frail? I didn’t stop writing because life got tough. I stopped writing because overnight my finally put together life fell apart and I became scared to expose weakness and face judgement from a world which had an expectation I could no longer meet. 

See I walked out of human trafficking. I survived. A lot of people know this about me. I’ve shared my story on platforms I never thought I’d stand on. I survived a life many people don’t. I walked into a freedom most never get to experience. I’m a walking miracle. My old life became a past tense and I’d found my new present. For multiple years everything was steady… until one day it wasn’t.

I pause… look around our converted garage. I’m thankful for my home. My space. It’s so easy to take things for granted. Always be looking at the next bigger thing. In a world which moves at a million miles an hour, many of us have forgotten how to be still, in the moment, content, just here. I take a deep breath. In this moment I’m so very grateful. 

November 22nd 2020. My birthday, 23 months ago. My steady life had started showing cracks. I’d moved back from Germany a few months before, leaving my husband there, making the big decision to return to America to get back to a full-time job I’d left behind and loved and was desperate to get back to. Covid was in full swing and the isolation of living in Germany completely remote for a year had been ridiculously tough. So together we’d made the decision to live apart for almost 15 months as my husband finished his tour in Germany and I moved back to Virginia Beach. 

You know sometimes everything about something can feel completely right until it completely doesn’t. No matter how much we tried to prepare ourselves to be apart for that long, nothing can ever really prepare you and so two years ago we walked into the hardest season of our marriage to date. 

I woke up early on my birthday, alone in bed, in a room I was renting from a couple. The dogs slept soundly on their bed. I missed Ryan. It had only been a few months but it had already felt like a year. When you do life so closely with someone and suddenly you’re 4000 miles apart, it feels ‘off’. Like a piece of you is missing. It was dark outside but it was Sunday and Sunday’s were a work day and I had to be at the church early. I got dressed, fed the dogs, put on their leashes and walked outside into the neighborhood. As I walked past the million dollar homes on my 32nd birthday, I remember thanking God for being alive and for bringing me out of my previous life into a whole new one.

I cut across the street into the field which led to the wood trails behind the neighborhood and unclipped the dogs from their leashes so they could run free. I love watching my dogs run. These trails, so close to the house, were a blessing. It can be hard to find good dog walks in Virginia Beach! I made my way further into the woods, following my usual trail. 

I drink my coffee and stare at my laptop as the screensaver mode kicks in. Beautiful scenery floats before me. I’ve always wondered where these places are and how you get to them. There have been many moments where I wish I could have transported myself to sit on top of that mountain, overlooking those lakes, or lie in that hammock inhaling that perfect ocean scent. So much peace. Tranquility. 

I heard him whistle but I hadn’t seen him coming. It was rare to pass anyone on these trails at this time of morning. Especially on a Sunday. But there he was. It only took a second for the panic to rise in my chest, my heartbeat to amplify and a cold sweat to run down my back. I knew instantly he must have followed me and I hated myself. I’d been distracted, inattentive, my mind had been far away. Stupid girl. A hatred I hadn’t felt for myself in a long time charged back in with a vengeance. We’re not supposed to fear. Yet fear was all I felt. 

I hold my coffee tight as I let a tear role down my cheek. I don’t know if I’ve let myself go there in 23 months. I don’t even know if I’ve really let myself cry. It went numb. For a year and a half all I felt was numb. There were feelings, there always are, but I couldn’t access them anymore. The deep loathing was readily available, disappointment in myself, my life and most of all God would override anything else. I spent the better part of 9 months thinking I’d cheated on my husband and he would never forgive me. In a second everything I’d worked for, all the progress I’d made, it came crashing down. Cracks turned into chasms and before I knew it I stood empty, distant, disconnected and immobilized in a life I no longer recognized. 

All it takes is a moment. And life changes forever. I will never be the same person I had been minutes prior to this event taking place in my life. I’ve felt a lot of fear over the years. I’ve had many moments where I wasn’t sure if I’d be alive to see another day. In those woods on November 22nd 2020 I thought it would end. Rape followed by murder. Yet once again, I would live to see another day. 

Despite having walked through years and years of abuse… this one moment in some ways had a bigger impact than all those other years put together. 

I take another sip of my coffee. Swipe my laptop to reawaken it from its slumber. I continue typing, letting the words come readily and feeling the emotions easily. It’s taken a long time to get to this moment. 

I walked home with the dogs once I was convinced he had left. I was dirty. Inside and out. All over again. My hands shook as I opened a note on my phone and wrote every detail I could remember down. There were no tears. It felt like everything inside of me had turned to stone. I walked into the shower, scrubbed my body, got dressed and left for work. I spoke to family and friends and my husband, all wishing me a happy birthday. On the outside I was Chi. On the inside I was numb. 

I finish my coffee. A deep gratefulness envelops my heart. One that can only come by walking through the impossible. I’ve learned more this last year than I have in the last 30. I’ve found a faith deeper than I ever had before. I’d been living on a foundation which hadn’t been complete. Vital parts had been missing. Things I’d never fully understood and chosen to live without. For years I’d built up a false sense of security, living under a protection which was never real. I’d constructed an image for myself which fit perfectly with the world around me. Complete, untouchable and invincible.  Most of it had been subconscious, but it was reality all the same. But the thing with flawed foundations is that they won’t stand the test of time. And eventually it crumbled. And I had to choose to re-build. 

However as the rebuilding commenced, once again I found that doors started opening. Opportunities, work, friendships, connections and possibilities. What happened on my birthday almost took me out once and for all, yet today I’m realizing it’s become the very thing catapulting me into the biggest season of my life yet. I look back at my entire journey. Every hurt, every point where I didn’t think I could keep going, the darkest moments and the most desperate times. They have formed some of the deepest connections and laid the very foundation on which my feet now walk. God has used every single hour to define not only who He is but also what He’s capable of. 

Has any of it been easy? So very far from it. Yet I’m not sure I would go back and change even a moment. I know many of you out there are struggling. Suicides are at an all time high. Today I want to encourage you. If you’re reading this. Keep going. Keep fighting. Seasons change. Days end. Even if it’s been the toughest time yet and it’s been relentlessly long, there will be an end. And one day you’ll look back and see that some of the hardest things in your life have actually become the greatest gifts, the most valuable lessons and your most significant worth. 

I press save and close my laptop. I take a deep breath. This blog was a tough one to write. An even harder one to post. Despite the breakthroughs and the moving forwards, I’m still on a journey. It wasn’t an overnight fix. But each day I’m choosing to fight. Deciding to trust. And determined to overcome. And I know that each day I will continue to look back, smile and be forever thankful that I chose to rebuild.

Mind Over Matter

.Reading time 14 minutes.

I sit on my bed. The house is quiet. Peaceful almost tranquil. To anyone else looking in it most definitely would be tranquil. But the storm raging on inside of me flooded the last rays of serenity many moments ago. My hand strokes lightly across the cover. I’ve counted them. Each  one of them. Their powder leaving small traces of evidence behind. As I continue to write in my journal, my eyes fill heavy and my pain lashes out uncontrollably. This is the end. It’s better this way. Easier. No more pain. No more hurting others. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I’ve come to peace with that. Have I come to peace with it? It terrifies me. Yet I see no other option. Life is too much. Too hard. I have no purpose. I stroke my hand across the covers again. Faint residue disperses ever so lightly. I close my journal. Put down my pen. As my tears dry up, a hardness engulfs. Stop being so weak. All I’ve ever been is weak. I grab a handful of sedatives and swallow hard. A small bottle of vodka helps ease the nerves. Another handful and another. I gag. NO. Do not be weak. I swallow again. More vodka. I know my mind is going. Reality shakes as I start to lose control. Grounding techniques, I need to use grounding techniques. I can’t remember them. I have to finish this. My hand becomes distant, the pills become faint. NO. Don’t stop. I bang my head. I sniff my perfume. I start talking loud. STAY HERE. I’ve almost finished them. For a fleeting moment I’m proud of myself but as I finish the last mouthful of dissolving powder the mist returns and the distance comes raging closer. I lose control. I’m falling backwards. The darkness sucking so hard I lose grip and tumble down. Far down. The pit larger and deeper than I ever remembered it. Impenetrable yet with ease I pass through. There’s no more time for regrets. Too late to take it back. Consumed with nothing, I’m full. It’s done. So done.  

How do you come back from something like that? How do you start again? Move forwards? I was supposed to be dead. My heart stopped multiple times en-route to the hospital. My body had leaked every bodily fluid possible. I was unconscious for more than 3 days and when I eventually woke up in the ICU the doctors and nurses couldn’t believe I had survived. Not only was I alive, there was minimal damage left from what could have been a fatal catastrophe. My body was ok. My mind was not. I woke up so broken, so alone, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces with no clue in the world on how to start again.  

Five and a half years ago I sat in a little room on my own. It had been just hours since finally being discharged from the hospital after taking an overdose which miraculously, and it truly was a miracle, did not kill me. Even after surviving something I never should have survived I still contemplated trying it again. I had categorically entered into the lowest of lows and in these darkest moments would come a choice I would live by for the rest of my life. I had made multiple attempts on my life, dissociated hundreds of times, many of which had been incredibly dangerous, survived years of abuse and walked out of sex trafficking. That night in that little room something happened that I will never fully be able to explain. But I saw the choice crystal clear in front of me. In that moment I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I attempted suicide again, I would be successful and I would not survive. I resisted, I screamed, I cried and I fought back. An unseen battle raging so strong. Mind against matter. I hated life, I wanted nothing to do with it. I did not want to keep going. Yet in the middle of the struggle, amidst the onslaught of emotions, I chose. I chose LIFE. I said Yes. Whatever that would look like. I knew it would come in all shapes and sizes. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Not for a moment. But for the first time I understood there might be a reason why I was still alive, and despite feeling purposeless, who was I to decide that nothing could ever change. That one choice, became a minute-by-minute choice. Over time it turned into an hourly choice, a daily choice and eventually it formed into a habit that I no longer have to think about.  

I have come a million miles in the last 5 and a half years. I don’t recognize my life. The first couple of years were ridiculously tough. Tackling therapy on a new level, it hurt. Memories are painful, regrets agonizing and starving out the old highly uncomfortable. But as the bad is cut away, room is made for the new. And with it comes fresh oxygen and ripe fruit. I have learned it’s not mind against matter, it’s mind over matter. Most matters in my life I cannot control. But my mind I can. Life throws us curveballs at every point of the way. Some we can dodge, some we can even catch, but many will hit us and attempt to make us fall back or fall over. It’s those big ones, the ones which make us wobble, where we choose mind over matter. We decide how it lets us affect us, we determine how we respond. I have come to understand my triggers and know when a ‘matter’ attempts to take charge over my mind. Panic, chaos, exhaustion, desperation and hopelessness are just a few of the alarm bells going off when the wrong leader takes the lead. I have to shift gear, take a minute and reestablish correct order. No ‘matter’ should ever take charge over our mind. We have been given phenomenal minds, incredible brains and an unbelievable ability to overcome almost anything. Do we choose to let matters take charge? Or we do we decide that our mind is more powerful.

I wasn’t just ‘fixed’. I went through more than 7 years of therapy to get to where I am today and years of ‘choosing’ how I was going to respond to situations and even more challenging than that, feelings. Every day is still filled with choices. Feelings come in and try to take over. But I have been given a mind which is able to listen to my feelings, but take control and often decide a different course instead. Mind over matter. For years I heard the phrase, never really  contemplating what it actually meant. 

This week I went for a run with my little sister. I say ‘little’, at almost 6ft tall she’s a whole lot bigger than me! The run was supposed to be 3 miles (5k) and we were gonna be picked up at the other end by our mom! We set off with 3 dogs and 25 minutes later we finished the run. What we didn’t realize is that the pick-up point was another 20 minute walk away! By the time we arrived (fast jog/sprint) we were so late my mom had turned around and left as she had another appointment. We were stuck! Seriously thirsty, ridiculously dusty and very tired! It was an hour wait (at least!) to get picked up, at least an hour to walk back or we could do the same run again and be back in 25 minutes! We chose option 3! I know we’re crazy… but this blog was birthed out of this experience. I absolutely did not think I could run all the way back. I was DEAD, exhausted, my legs hurt and having not done many runs over the past month, slightly out of peak condition. But with a much younger sister who’s only completed 2 runs all year, I wasn’t ready to cave and say I couldn’t do it! So we set off. 27 minutes later we were home. Not at any point was it easy or enjoyable. I could hardly walk by the time we got back. BUT I was reminded of the power of my mind. Despite not ‘feeling’ like I could do it, my mind took charge and decided we were doing it. 

Time and time again during the past many years, I have had to choose mind over matter. Situations I didn’t think I could handle, emotions too great to understand. Hardships and losses, goodbyes and great challenges. Life will never be a breeze. It will never be just easy. I know for many this last season has been one of the toughest so far. Many feel out of control and lots of us unsure of what the future holds. Despite the unknowns, the matters which remain unpredictable, your mind is powerful and was created to be in control. Whatever you’re going through today, whatever your current situation looks like, take a moment to see who or what is in charge. Are feelings leading your every day? Situations dominating your life? Who’s at the head of your table?

I’m about to walk into one of the most challenging seasons of my life. These past few weeks I’ve had to make some of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. My heart feels torn in so many directions. My feelings are screaming at me to take over. Emotions overwhelming to a point of bursting. Yet I know I have a choice and I’m choosing to stay calm in the midst of what feels like chaos and too many unknowns. My mind is in control and I’m going to make sure it stays that way. Mind over matter. The matter for me right now is big, scary and intimidating. But my mind I know well. It’s become safe and predictable. It knows how to respond. And that’s my prayer for you too today. No matter what you’re facing, how daunting or hopeless  your situation might be. Know that you have been given a mind that is incredibly powerful and immensely strong. You can be in control even when everything around you feels out of control. And you can choose, even when it doesn’t seem like you have any choices left.  

THE TIME IS NOW

.Reading time 10 minutes.

I have moved house about 25 times in my life. The majority of those moves happened after I turned 18 years old. Life can be pretty crazy right? Unsettled, restless, uncertain and unsure. I’ve learned over the years that I can’t place any value on a house or in a location. It can change. Quickly and often without much warning. And so a long time ago I stopped placing importance on ‘things’. I had to pack too often, downsize each time. And with each move I ended up having less and less belongings. I know the first few times I found it hard. But with each move it became just that little bit easier. A sense of freedom, nothing tying me down. 

But what I have placed significance on is people. I’ve lived in so many places and although everything around me would change, the one constant has always been people. And I can honestly say I never realized how important human beings were until we moved to Germany last October!

We’re currently stationed in Northern Germany for two years. We moved in October and it’s been the toughest move yet. When we first found out we were moving here excitement overrode every other emotion! We were gonna be moving to Europe and I would be close to my family and friends again for a while. I was incredibly excited for the adventure and even more excited for my husband to see Europe and experience how the ‘Europeaners’ live! We found out 21 months before we actually moved that we were going to Germany! 

Sounds great right? But what we didn’t realize is that when you know you’re leaving and something else is about to take place, it’s very hard not to ‘check-out’ of your current situation. And we quickly noticed that that’s exactly what we were doing. We had 12 months left in Virginia Beach before we would then move to Washington DC for 9 months to learn German, before eventually moving on to Germany. Looking back we lived those 21 months half-heartedly. We didn’t get involved with things we probably would have had we not been ‘leaving soon’ and our minds were already on the ‘next adventure’. 

Fast forward to October of 2019 and the adventure was finally here. We moved to Germany and were hit hard in the face with the unrealistic expectations we had formed. We didn’t know anyone, we moved in winter time and it was only light about 5 hours a day! And when I say light, dim would be a better description! Constant rain pounded the gloomy streets around us and within days of moving into our new house without any furniture (that would come 2 months later) my husband went out to sea and I would hardly see him until Christmas time! 

Let’s just say, a fair number of tears were shed. As I sat on a little mattress upstairs in one of the empty bedrooms with just a bag of clothes, a laptop and my two dogs surrounding me – it hit me hard for the first time just exactly what we had left behind. 

During those first few months I experienced loneliness on a new level. Despite my past I have always still had a full life. I’ve always had family and I’ve always had friends. Even though for many years I ‘felt’ alone, I’d never actually been alone. And for the first time I felt alone on a level I’d never encountered before. 

People. 

My eyes were opened to the importance of human beings, connection, friendships, familiarity and contact. Despite having spent 9 months learning German and becoming pretty decent at speaking the language, I felt like an alien in a foreign world. The culture here so vastly different from anything I’d been used to before. The actual spoken street language, a completely different language to the one we had learned. 

When life is stripped away to the bare minimum, and at the time that really is what happened! No furniture, no ‘stuff’, no people anywhere nearby, sitting on my own in a foreign country – what is of value becomes magnified. I missed being able to go for a coffee with my girlfriends or sit in the office having a laugh at work. Going to my awesome church or camping out with my mates. I craved familiarity and connection. I desired human contact. 

People. 

At the essence and core of all of us is the yearning to be loved. It’s intimacy. For people to know us. Love us. Understand who we are. Community. We are born with an innate need and desire to belong. You often hear people say “I’m an introvert or an extrovert.” But it doesn’t change needing people in your life. It doesn’t mean we don’t need friends and family in our corner. Because we’re made to be in community with one another. 

I was incredibly fortunate to get to know a couple down the street who saved us time and time again with basic things you take for granted every single day! Car insurance, bank accounts, internet, food stores, building a fence for the dogs! Kjell and Christiana if you read this blog – I am eternally grateful for your time and your friendship. You have been incredible from the minute we got here. And you’ve been a friendly face in an ocean of unfamiliarity, often in times when I’ve most needed it. Thank you! 

I have learned many lessons over the past 8 months. Germany and coronavirus have been a school of life education. Its classes have challenged me to my core. Don’t take anything for granted. We almost wished our time away in Virginia Beach because we were too impatient to get to the next chapter. And yet I have yearned to be back there so many times since. I have a newfound gratefulness for all the people in my life. My family and my friendships. Whether I get to see them in person or just via zoom – it doesn’t matter. They’re there and that’s what counts. 

Life is short and a pandemic can happen at any given time! A sudden move to a foreign country hides behind the corner. Make sure you make every moment count. Message your loved ones, let go of regrets. Place great value on the people who have been gifted into your life. We can’t do this life alone. If I had I’d be dead today. 

Germany is growing on us! The people become friendlier with better weather! Certain people have been awesome since day 1. It’s been a challenging time here but it’s also been a time of growth and strengthening of character. I’m ready to start living in the ‘now’ and not waste anymore time. I won’t wish anymore time away but make the most of what’s right in front of me. I’m gonna message those I love and FaceTime and visit whoever I can whenever I can. 

Because people are significant. And we can’t do life without them.